Alan Carr loves bird watching....the geeky binocular kind

Every now and then we ask a celebrity to come into the Daily Star office to guest edit the GOSS column.
We sit back, hand the column over to them and let them chat about their lives and other celebrity stories of the day.
We did exactly this with Alan Carr. Who is one of the naturally funniest people I have ever met.
He had me and my Goss sidekick Sonja crying with laughter.
The hour we spent with him was an endless stream of banter, sarcastic remarks and filthy/ comedy stories. This man really has no boundaries.
And though he was slagging off other celebrities all over the shop, he really doesn't have a nasty bone in his body. It's all just part of the act.

me, Alan and Sonja writing the column

The last time I came away from an interview in pain, because I'd laughed so much my cheeks/ stomach muscles were sore, was about five years ago when I interviewed The Bear from Bo Selecta.
Still makes me laugh thinking about how ridiculous that moment of my career was.

Anyway, during our Goss edit we found out Alan Carr loves bird watching.
He explained: “I really like bird watching. I haven’t done it for ages, but I love it. I love the quietness of it.
"For my 16th birthday I got a pair of binoculars. It’s a bit creepy but I loved them.
“The thing is though – all the nature reserves in Northampton where I’m from, they’re all dogging sites so I can’t go down there with my binoculars any more. "



Alan also told us he'd love to star on Celebrity Come Dine With Me but thinks the guests are naff.
He said they'd have to up the ante and get some A listers on before he'd even consider it.
He revealed: “I would love to do Celebrity Come Dine With me, but the celebs would seriously have to go up a notch.
“I love the idea but I’m not being funny, I don’t want to do it with Howard from the Halifax and Fatima Whitbread.
“If it was Mariah Carey and Lady GaGa and we were all going round each other’s houses I would be in. But I’m not doing it with MC Hammer and Alison Hammond.
I can’t cook. But you don’t go for the cooking, you go to snoop around the house don’t you and get really drunk?”

Ahh poor old MC H and Alison.

Alan puts his feet up after all his hard work

The LAFTA awards

It's not often you get a slap on the back for being comical.
However, the showbiz column I edit was nominated for a LAFTA awards in the Funniest Column category.
Me and my wingman Sonja went along to the lunch soiree today to watch a host of comedians and wannabe funny people size up each other balls while enjoying a fine afternoon of champagne (magnums everywhere) and posh fish grub (oysters and monkfish).
The likes of Alan Carr, Jimmy Carr and Leigh Francis all won awards... and the butt of their jokes were aimed at the unheard of glamour girl who was handing out the gongs. Poor sod. Although it's probable that she loved the attention.
I've never seen her before but within 15 seconds Jimmy Carr told the audience: "I have no idea who she is, but I can see her boobs and I want to honk honk on them."
Richard Keys and Andy Gray would've been so proud.
Leigh Francis took over the mic and told the unsuspecting glamour girl: "You look just like how I imagine my girlfriend looks when I'm smashing her back doors in. Except she's fatter than you and has far more split ends."
Richard Keys and Andy Gray would've been so proud.
And Alan Carr couldn't resist a sexist gag too... saying he hoped to be "hanging out the back of Kelly Brook one day soon".
Richard Keys and Andy Gray would've been so proud.

The awards ceremony was definitely missing some partying totty... where's Sarah Harding when you need her?

P Diddy Vs Alan Carr Vs Ashley Cole. Bunfight...

P Diddy might be a egocentric fool...but Alan Carr is a tidy, little funbag. 

I wasn't the only person waiting, in vain, to speak to Diddy.
Toothy funnyman Alan was left hanging in the lurch too.
Exactly what the campest man outside of Lapland is doing at a hip hop hoedown is anyones guess.
However, he did say, "I can hold my own in here tonight, I'm cooler than you think."
Yep, sure you are Alan, sure you are.
I think the look on his face says it all....

Mind you, he was forced to sit with Meg Matthews and Calum Best.
Make of that what you will.





Meanwhile in the other corner lounging at a posh VIP table, stacked with champagne, was Chelsea wide boy Ashley Cole, with his boys. Since last year Ashley's been dating (ie shagging or conveniently getting paped with) Playboy model Kayla Collins. I'm sure his ex wifey Cheryl Cole is ecstatic to know he's bonking a plastic-brained boobalious blonde.
Kayla mnaged to tear herself away from tooth-foss bikinis and wrinkly men to hang out in London with Ashley and Diddy.
However, it all went a bit tits-up for the erotic bunny.
Flash Ash didn't speak to her all night... despite sitting directly oposite her. Instead, he sat texting, constantly, on his phone. Always a true gent.
After a few hours of humiliation Kayla threw a wobbler, when he refused to leave with her, and stormed off home alone.
Conveniently moments later, she declared: "Everyone has blown our relationship out of proportion. I'm enjoying being single and dating. I'm looking for Mr Right".
Which actually translates as..."Ashley's blown me out because I make him look too clever and he thinks that's uncool. So, I'm now going to pretend we were never together in a bid to look less stupid. I'm a Playboy Bunny you know, I could have anyone. P.S I'd come running back if he asked me, or text me, or even gave me a second of his time.)

Meanwhile dirty Ash stayed out with the lads, no doubt looking for Mrs Rightnow... the poor unsuspecting cow.