The FHM 100 Sexiest Woman awards

It's been a busy month, event wise in the showbiz world.
Russell Brand walked the red carpet in London for his new film Arthur, alongside Dame Helen Mirren.
Russ even brought his super famous wifey Katy Perry along to try and drum up further attention.
I haven't seen the film yet, but early reviews have been pretty dire.
Which is annoying, as I'm a big fan of Randy Russ.

Then Robert Pattinson came to town for the premiere of his new flick Water For Elephants, which I'm told is fantastic.
It's been compared to The Notebook, that itself excites me greatly.
And everyone said you fall in love with the elephants instantly.
I can't wait.

However, the big party of the week was the FHM 100 Sexiest Woman awards, won by Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, if you don't know her she's mostly famous for dating plastic gangster Jason Statham.

The bash was raucous, everyone was hammered.
Alex Reid (ex husband of Jordan) was so pissed he kept asking girls to go into the photo booth with him, he basically wanted a shag.
He eventually ended up leaving the party, completely wasted, with Vanessa Perroncel (the ex-girlfriend of Wayne Bridge, who (allegedly) shagged John Terry and caused a royal drama between the Chelsea footie squad). A nice pairing, I think you'd agree?

Boxer and Welsh stud Joe Calzaghe was also there, alongside a host of reality TV stars including Kerry Katona and The Only Way Is Essex peeps.

Alex Reid before he got seriously shitefaced and ever-the-gent Joe C

Reality TV sandwich Amy Childs and our Kezza

Seemed only fitting to get a photo with Joey Essex... the No 1 TOWIE wannabe

Essex madness

The showbiz world has gone The Only Way Is Essex bonkers.
I can't deny I found the show amusing to watch during the first series.
It fascinated me, I couldn't believe anyone could be as much of a dickhead as Mark Wright, as empty-headed as Amy Childs, as pointless as Harry and as emotionally-pathetic as Arg.
Despite that, I really liked all four characters.
They are who they are and they're happy and proud of it. Fair play to them.
I found the show fun to watch, I really liked Sam and felt sorry for Lauren as she mugged herself off over man slag Mark time after time.

Billie (Sam's sister), me and Sam at the opening of their fashion boutique Minnies in Essex

However, then came the second series...
I honestly don't get Joey Essex... the fact he's so delusional annoys me.
My work colleagues think he's sexy, cool, and even funny.
I'm baffled.
He's a scrawny little fella, with horrendous dress sense and so dense his parents should be embarrassed.
His stupidity frustrates me.
He didn't know anything about the Royal Wedding, the day before he said to my reporter Ed: "What wedding? Is Prince Harry marrying a fit blonde bird or something?"
That would've been mildly amusing, if he hadn't meant it seriously.

His relationship with Sam is also ridiculous.
I'm surprised producers thought the public would ever believe they were actually dating.

And his cousin Chloe's had so much surgery and botox, I can't look at her face without wanting to turn over.
Why would anyone think that amount of botox and lip filler looks good?
She looks like a Janice Dickinson transvestite act.
I hope the third series goes back to the original format.
In fact, that's a lie...I couldn't really care less, I'm all TOWIE'd out.

Now where's The Telegraph's culture section?