Isle Of Wight festival

  

My bezzie mate Sam and me on the ferry over to Isle of Wight

The summer officially kicked off this weekend.
Isle of Wight is the first festival of the year and in true festival fashion is rained for all three days. Highlights included...
- Our faulty towers hotel (yep, I stayed in a hotel, at a festival. My inner hippy hates myself too)
- A very drunk Mat Horne
- Trying to turn paparazzi when I spotted Kate Moss
- Dancing wildly to Pulp
- Drinking Kir Royale in the Hip Shaker tent
- 12 inch hot dog
- Knocking back Tequila shots in VIP to Kaiser Chiefs (which resulted in two of our party (Sonja and Stef) being sick!)

Hotel\ Dog Kennel

We had big hopes for the hotel. It had an indoor swimming pool and jacuzzi. That's usually an indicator that it's OK. Yeah?
Well the hotel was beyond comedy.
The corridors got thinner the higher up you went.
We were on the top floor.
You couldn't pass another person in the corridor, they were that thin. It was like a prison.
Green floral carpet, garish yellow curtains, a TV small enough to fit in your bag and pillow's so hard you could probably knock someone out with them.
The hotel bar didn't look like it'd been open for 10 years.
And despite the promise of WiFi in every room the manager told us: "if you sit in the far corner of the lobby, near the coat stand you can probably get coverage."
We were greeted by a Imperial Leather soap cut in two in our bathroom. That pretty much sums up the glamour of the place.
Also we turned on the cold water tap and it fell off in our hands.
We spent three days with no cold water.
Despite all the above we still had fun at our faulty towers style hotel.

Mat Horne

Sonja, Mat Horne and me in the VIP bar

Gavin and Stacy star Mat was wasted. Totally and utterly spoonfaced.
OK, we were pretty drunk too (we started drinking on the ferry at noon) but he was the one to beat.
First he stumbled straight into the VIP bar and then he knocked an entire bucket of straws off the bar onto the floor.
Despite being a celeb he was made to scrap around on the floor on his hand and knees to pick them up. In front of everyone.
Then in a drunken stupor Mat picked up a paper plate and cut a massive hole in the centre so he could put it on his wrist. He told us his unusual "wrist band" was a VVIP, access all areas pass. OK.
Despite in inability to walk straight to talk anything other than nonsense he managed to pull a really pretty brunette. Good skills Horne.

Kate Moss

So Kate Moss was having her hen do at the IOW festival. She arrived on site with 30 of her cronies in two huge pink stretch hummers. Classy.
They were all wearing different coloured Juicy Couture tracksuits, Kate's was white.
Each with Kate Moss's hen do written on the back and their name on the front.
There isn't much to report about her hen party.
She went on a few of the monster rides, which was quite impressive as some were really scary.
She had two golf buggies to carry her and her possee around site.
She went AWOL on the second day of the festival and wasn't seen anywhere - leaving her hens to party without her.

Us posing next to Mossy's hummer

All in all IOW festival was fantastic, despite the never ending rain.

Just about to go and watch the Kaiser Chiefs

Me, Sam, Sonja and Stef watching the Kaiser Chiefs in the rain

Sonja and me crashing some super hero's party

Showbiz nuggets

I have a few moments spare as I'm still in the office waiting for my showbiz column to be subbed.

So there's some interesting snippets going on in the showbiz world to wet your juices.

Firstly Paris Hilton is gunning for an invite to the Royal Wedding at the end of April.

This is the empted-headed star who declared: “Princess Diana is my idol” before trying to pull Prince William.

I don’t blame Paris for trying but really, why on earth would Big Will and Kate Middle-of-the-range invite her to their special day?

Unless they wanted to film it for a reality TV show, of course.

Or get some tips on their Wedding night DVD… arf, arf. 

Two years ago Paris meet Big W for the first time and promptly said: “I'd be more than happy to date you as long as you ditched the mousy girlfriend.”

Brash.

However, in true brainless style she whinnied: “I couldn’t believe how awesome and hot he was”.

That carry on deserves an invite if you ask me. 

Meanwhile newly engaged Sarah Harding and Tom Crane prove once again why maybe they’re not singing from the same hymn sheet.

Party animal Sarah is planning a wild hen night in Las Vegas while Tom is having a traditional country gentleman stag weekend.

My friend in the know revealed: “Maybe they work well together because they’re so different. Sarah wants a raucous girlie weekend in Sin City, while Tom wants a country gentleman weekend of fishing, shooting, hunting etc.”

Meanwhile, here are their dreams of the perfect wedding...

Tom says: “I want an old-fashioned English wedding, something subtle, the full top and tails malarky” while Sarah says: “ I’d love to have it in a Gothic castle and show my dark side, I want everything to be dark."
That could be awkward?

In other news

Janice Dickinson jumped into bed with Victoria Beckham.

Well, she accosted her on a flight to LA, where poor Posh has little choice but to pout and bear it.

Wacky motor mouth Janice said: “Posh is beautiful. I saw her on a first-class flight I went over with a glass of wine, a seductive, and got into bed with her.”

As you do.

She took time out of stalking Posh Spice to slag off Jordan.

Saying: “People don’t know her in America. She couldn’t act her way out of a paper bag, her lips and tits would get in the way. She looks like a beached tuna.”

And to round of a batty day on the showbiz hot desk Gary Lineker’s wife Danielle missed the beginning of a Calendar Girls performance last week, as she was stuck in the toilet with the runs.

I kid you not.

She revealed: “I went AWOL at curtain call, the crew were running around in chaos trying to find me. I was trapped in the ladies. I had a curry the night before and was stuck in a cubicle with Vindaloo’s revenge.”

I couldn’t make this up if I tried.