V festival - Essex massive.

It's a known fact that journalists, PRs, liggers, people who are nearly C-list and other media types get very excited about the VIP area at V Festival in Chelmsford.


Me and my fella Jimmy hanging out in the Lounge

To be fair the Louder Lounge backstage area is the nuts.
It comes with three bars - which are totally free, a whole tent designated to free food, complimentary spray tans and hair styling, a MAC makeup tent and a place to get a manicure (again both free).
What more could anyone want?
The problem is, all this wonderful freeness makes it very hard to leave.
And surely the whole point of going to a festival is to hear bands and dance around in a muddy field?
No? Well, definitely not in Essex.
Seriously. Everyone just stayed in the VIP area rinsing the free bar, quaffing cocktails, cupcakes and free food.
Which is fine, but it still amazes me...even on my fourth year covering it for work.


What the Louder Lounge looks like.
No mud, glow sticks or piss filled paper cups anywhere to be seen





Free cupcakes - yeah!!

Anyway, before I got stuck into boozing, we did some work for the column. We interviewed Matt Smith a.k.a Dr Who and his gorgeous model girlfriend Daisy Lowe - you know the one who got her kit off in Playboy recently?
Yep, we all now know her choice of bikini wax. (Full Brazilian for anyone wondering).
Talking about the full-frontal, naked snaps Daisy told me her Nan was "very proud" of her getting her "nunny" out. Her choice of word, not mine. I prefer the more eloquent 'lady garden'.

Meanwhile we spotted her fella Matt puking all over himself. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating.
On the second morning of V festival we saw a very hungover-looking Matt legging it to the bathroom (by bathroom, I mean sweaty portaloo).
He tripped, fell on his knees and was sick on the grass before rolling behind a tent to hide.
Moments later Matt and Daisy were having a romantic morning snog. Lovely stuff.
Obviously, being journalists, both the above moments were well documented, by us, in a national tabloid newspaper.


Dr Who's Matt Smith






Matt's girlfriend. Daisy Lowe

 We interviewed a flurry of celebs for the GOSS column including Rupert Grint, Keith Lemon, Meg Matthews, Spanish hottie Elen Rivas (Frank Lampard's ex) and former Sugababe Keisha Buchanan. 

The MAC make-up tent - unfortunately I couldn't be bothered to go in.
The queue was crazy long.



I really wanted to sleep in this little funky
 hippy hangout, who needs a tent hey?

We finally broke free of the showbiz VIP area to go and see the mighty Arctic Monkeys headline. Which was pretty flipping awesome.


Having a wee dancing to the Arctics with my fella...



Wireless

It’s the first weekend in July, the sun’s out and Hyde Park is buzzing.

This can only mean one thing... Wireless festival.

The Barclaycard VIP area was awash with celebrities including The Sugababes, Prince Harry, Elen Rivas and Alexandra Burke all eating mini burgers, mini fish ‘n chips and knocking back vodka and red bull.

We were given pink bands to go to the exclusive front of stage raised VIP area to watch The Black Eyed Peas, who were headlining Friday night.

Prince Harry and a massive group of his lad mates were raving to BEP’s. 

One thing is for certain Harry is never going win any kudos for his dress sense. My dad has more style, and that’s saying something.

Royal rocker Harry was dancing in front of me with his baggy stone washed jeans, green fishing jacket and a sports cap.

One of Hazza’s friends told me he had his wisdom teeth removed earlier in the day saying: “He’s got a really puffy face from the op. He’s hiding his swollen face under a cap.” 

Moments later Harry picked up a blonde toddler and plonked her on his shoulders as Will.i.am et al did their thang on stage.

Vanessa Feltz was snubbed from the Barclaycard VIP tent by door staff who said she “wasn’t famous enough”. Ouch.

Huey from the Fun Loving Criminals was chilling inside telling us: “I’m on my best behaviour, there’s a £30,000 glass snooker table over there, I can see it getting messy in here later and that getting smashed, not the most sensible thing to have at a festival, with drunk menaces around.” 

In other news the roller skates who dance around outside Hyde Park are amazing, we saw one guy shimmying through a row of plastic cones on one foot, on just one wheel

We also saw a 30ish year old girl getting a bollocking from Wireless security for pulling her pants down in the middle of the park and doing a wee.

The security was shouting at her, telling her to “stand up” and “walk on” while she was squatting, bare bummed shouting, “I can’t I’m mid wee”. Niiiice.

Apart from that it was pretty low key, we all got smashed on beer and vodka, danced like mentalists to the BEP's who were doing a medley of old skool 90s tune and missed the last tube home.


Huey playing on the £30,000 glass snooker table



Me and my fella Jimmy chilling in the Barclaycard area



The crowd waiting for the Black Eyed Peas to come on

Pre-Wimbledon party

My mum is forever telling me "You don't need alcohol to have a good time".
Yeah OK, so as I've got older I've come to realise in some situations this could possibly be true.
But it definitely makes things a lot more fun. Until the morning after.

However, on a flip side it seems you do need sunshine to have a good time. When it's raining no-one wants to do anything or go anywhere. It puts a complete dampener on life. Quite literally.

This time last year it was really hot 'n sunny and everyone was loving life. Including me.
I was invited to attend Ascot in box and ended up hanging out with Declan Donnelly on Ladies Day, drinking champagne, losing money on horses (I didn't win one race) and generally getting inebriated in the blazing sunshine.
Oh and I met The Queen. Well, I stood about 20 inches away from her. Same difference?
After spending two afternoons lording it around Ascot, big hat, posh dress, jugs of Pimms and quaffing champagne... I went to a pre-Wimbledon party at the Roof Gardens in Kensington and met, for the first time, Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross.


Arriving at Ascot for the first day for lunch in Ladbrokes' private box



Sonja, Declan, and me on second afternoon... Ladies Day



With Russel and Jonathan at pre-Wimbledon party


Fast forward a year and exactly the same thing was suppose to happen. Minus meeting Russell Brand (he's, like, totally living in LA now, and, like, married to a popstar, and, like, sooooo American and stuff).

But it was chucking it down. It's rained in London continually for five days.

Which means I didn't go to Ascot, not just because it was pissing it down, but because, well, my colleague Sonja and I just decided we didn't want to.

See, no sunshine. No fun.

We did both however go to the pre-Wimbledon party. We were really excited about going. It was a right laugh last year. He got to hang out with Gavin Henson as well and although, he wears more fake tan than we'd ever and is preened into a inch of death, he's still a really nice guy.

Elen and moi

This year is was belting it down, and we only stayed for an hour after having a quick chat to Elen Rivas. We briefly saw Sir Alan Sugar, but he was complaining about the crappy weather and some of the celebs expected including Sarah Harding, Mathew Horne, Gethin Jones and Emily Blunt also cried off because of the endless rain.

Elen was getting hassled by everyone to talk about her ex fiance Frank Lampard. Seeing as he's just proposed to new girlfriend Christine Bleakley.

People were asking her if she'd allow her daughters (with Frank) to be bridesmaids etc.

Felt really sorry for her, she basically told most people to piss off.

However, her pal Lizzie Clundy told us they both "need more sex and more fun".

Couldn't agree more.



Jordan and Alex Reid.... the end of something monstrous.

So the showbiz world is in a frenzy as Katie Price and Alex Reid are set to officially announce their separation this afternoon.
It's just flashed up as Breaking News on Sky News... gotta be true then, hey? (cough, cough)
All I know so far is it was Jordan's decision to end the marriage, Alex is said to be "distraught" and the statement will be brief (maybe in honour of their short-lived nuptials? 11 months if anyone cares.)

Anyway us, the Daily Star, the royal 'we', have been reporting for months that Jordan and Alex were going to split... so right now we’re feeling a little smug.
Albeit, a wee bit sad for Alex, as he generally seemed like an all round nice guy, pre-Jordan.
We said Alex should’ve sacked Jordan off (in a nice way, obviously, “it’s not you, it’s me” blah blah) when he won Celebrity Big Brother, bet he wishes he had now. Poor blighter.

Piers Morgan has already jumped on the bandwagon tweeting that he thinks Jordan could get together with Sir Alan Sugar after the big bazooka'd babe told him Alan was "very sexy, for an old geezer."
Other people think Alex will how take part in and win Celebrity Tool Academy, which is bound to be commissioned at some point.
By the way, if you haven't checked out Tool Academy on E4, you should.
Pure, comedy viewing. Oodles of men who clearly need to spend more time away from the mirror and out of their own arses.
Anyway.
It's unfortunate that Jordan’s marriage has failed, at the very same time Peter Andre finally, after a year of banging on about being lonely and wanting a bed buddy, finds love with sexy senorita/ part time WAG Elen Rivas.
Life's a bitch.

Another theory is... this was a cunning plot by the glamour gofer to ruin arch enemy/ nemesis/ more successful rival Posh Spice's limelight.
The Pricey (self named, still makes us a little queasy) loves trying to overshadow and out-do Victoria.
And it's safe to say Vicky B's baby announcement is now firmly old news.
She's a clever old boot that Price character.

Anyway, on a serious note, I think these type of doomed celebrity marriages are really sad.
Why do people get married after knowing each other 28 minutes? It's bound to end in heartbreak.
Oh, actually, Jordan doesn't seem to have much of a heart these days, does she?
Knowing her, she flogged it for a fiver.