The Beckhams are minted

I wrote a story earlier for tomorrow's showbiz column about the Beckhams blowing nearly half a million pounds on a nanny for their new baby daughter Harper Seven.
Without really thinking about what I was saying, I turned to one of the sub-editors and flippantly said; "Is it really that much of a big deal? £500,000 isn't that much to spend per year on a nanny. Not if you're Victoria Beckham."
He looked at me dumbfounded.
Seriously. What world do I live in?
I think I've got far too bogged down with showbiz nonsense. I'm genuinely not sure I really have any grip of reality as to how much everything costs.
The average man in the UK earns £19,000, so it's probable that Posh and Becks spunking half a million on a nanny for just one of their four kids is utterly ridiculous.

They're worth (combined) £146million and earn something silly like £200,000 a day. So in theory it's spare change to them.
My sub-editor then started questioning how much I thought stuff costs.
It turns out I have no idea how much anything costs. A pint of milk (I guessed £1.50), a loaf of bread (again £1.50), a pint of larger (£4, £4.50) but more worryingly I thought it was £3.50 to go to the cinema, apparently it's £10 in some places! Shows how long it's been since I've paid.

I'm going to start being more financially aware, as to be honest, I never think about it and just hand over my credit card. #fail

For anyone that cares here's the full Beckham article from the Daily Star...

http://www.dailystar.co.uk/goss/view/204798/David-and-Victoria-Beckham-s-400k-nanny/

Lady Gaga V Amy Winehouse

BIG news today that pop phenomenon and bonkers star Lady Gaga is in top-secret talks to play Amy Winehouse in a blockbuster film about the tragic singer's death.
How does everyone feel about that?
A Hollywood insider told me: "Gaga worshipped Amy and would love to transform herself into her idol on the big screen.
"She'd be spot-on performing Amy's songs and has got the right look and bolshy attitude."

After hearing this I did some digging and found out Lady G's been itching to get into movies. Her agent's been bombarded with film scripts, but Gaga didn't think any were suitable to launch her career as an actress.
It's no secret that Hollywood movie bigwigs are keen to rush out a movie based on Amy's life and now they think Gaga's the perfect lead star.

Gaga's dipped in and out of acting appearing in The Sopranos, under her real name Stefani Germonatta.
Her mates reckon she "always dreamt of being an actress before she got into music."

Anyway, besides all that can Gaga pull of wayward London bruiser La Wino? That is the question.
Sounds like she can.
For starters she can sing, has an eclectic taste in fashion, has a appetite for partying, like to cause drama and media speculation, isn't afraid to say what's on her mind and apparently can do a pretty dapper London accent.
She's a big fan of Guy Ritchie movies, such as Snatch and RocknRolla and can speak perfect Cockney.

Bingo.
Move aside Charlize Theron, Sienna Miller and Kiera Knightley (all tipped for the part), we've found our girl.

But who will play ex hubby Blake?

Celebrity Big Brother

SO there's only a few weeks until Celebrity Big Brother returns to TV.
Friday 19th August to be exact.
So far names being thrown around the big reality hat are The Only Way Is Essex's Amy Child, Kerry Katona and her mum, Pamela Anderson, Jedwood, Big Fat Gypsy Weddings star Paddy Doherty and Imogen Thomas.
Exciting stuff.
Well, exciting if you're into hanging around your own living room, every night, watching a bunch of fame- hungry wannabes arguing, crying, snogging and slowly becoming more mental hour by hour.
It's no X Factor is it?

Seeing as it's now moved to Channel 5 - which is under the same umbrella as the Daily Star - I'll be able to keep you up to date with the gossip, readily.

Joy.

Tube etiquette - a rant. Sorry.

After my manic train journey a few weeks ago with the scary, hairy arm-pitted lady who couldn't stop heckling the train conductor, (before announcing she didn't have a bomb), I can't stop thinking about tube etiquette. Most sane people (bomb lady excluded) know it's an unwritten rule that you don't speak to strangers on the tube.
It just makes you, them and everyone else in the carriage awkward.
I don't know why, but it does. Every now and then a random girl will lean across and say, "I really like your shoes, where did you get them from?" Que instant awkwardness. 

If you got them from New Look you end up laughing nervously, while looking at her Mulberry handbag thinking "I wish, more than anything, I was getting off at the next stop."
If they're designer (I've stupidly wasted my money on a few) you feel like a posh twat.
Either way, it's just awkward.
Even if your shoes are from somewhere perfectly normal like Office or Topshop you then have a three minute chat about the shoes, what other colours they come in, how much they were, which celebs have worn them etc... 
And then have an awkward three stops further wondering if you should just make idle chit-chat seeing as you've bonded over the shoes and are sitting next to each other.
Or is it OK to just shut up and go back to reading the paper?
The tube is weird. 
Awkward tube moments include... - when homeless people come through the connecting carriage door and start with the whole "Hello Ladies and Gentleman, sorry to bother you..."spiel.
Instant nervous feeling and eyes locked on the floor.  
You don't want to initiate a conversation, but I feel rude if I don't give any money or even acknowledge their presence.
I've given beggars cash before on the tube and been reprimanded by a suited 'n booted elderly man who snarled: "You're not helping the situation by giving them money, it's illegal to beg on here, you're just encouraging them." Great. You feel awkward either way.
A couple of months ago me and my boyfriend witnessed an angry OAP (who looked scarily like John McCririck) threatening to punch a homeless man who was strumming a guitar and asking for money on the tube. Not cool.
- Buskers

 Seriously I really think there should be auditions for buskers.
Or are there? Do they have to pass a buskers test to prove they're not tone deaf and crap? 
Monument tube station has the worst buskers I've ever heard. 
The old, grey haired dude with the electric guitar fills me with head-to-toe anger everyday on the way to work. He's always there, no matter what time. I'm angry even thinking about the drivel that comes out of his out-of-tune guitar. And he plays so loud. 
Why? Just turn down the volume you cretinous moron.
I must have walked past him and physically recoiled at least 50 times...it pains me when I hear his menacing tones as I come up the escalator.
Some days I feel like begging the ticket barrier staff to make it stop.
Also there's a guy with an accordion at Monument... I'm not even going to get started on him and his scary, bulging eyes.
On the flip side I love it when you're at Leicester Square tube late on a Saturday night, the buskers there are always brilliant. You end up dancing and singing along.

In fact maybe there's prime time slots for buskers, like comedians?
That would explain why the grey, electric guitar dude at Monument is on every day at 10.30am.
He'd cause a riot during morning rush hour.
- Meeting someone you know
Why is meeting people, completely unexpectedly, on the tube so awkward? 
Is it because you're in 'tube zone'...not talking to anyone, or wanting to engage in conversation, actively eyeing up the next available seat.
Meeting someone you haven't seen for years is the worst.
If you were in the pub, this would be awesome. You'd hug, swap numbers and be genuinely chuffed to randomly bump into each other.
However, on the tube you want to run the other way.
It's awkward as everyone else is eves dropping. Wondering how you know each other, did you use to date? 
People can sense your awkwardness. I'm sure of it.

Other problematic tube issues are... 
- People eating - it's too smelly, too warm, too unhygienic
- Fit people - it's impossible to not stare at ridiculously hot men, who are sat two feet away.
- Is she pregnant or not? - I hate that moment, you flounder around wondering if the round-bellied person in front of you is actually preggers or just fat. That dread of offering your chair to a none-pregnant belly bloater.
- People sneezing - when people sneeze in the office, you politely offer a "bless you" and carry on with your work. When people sneeze on the tube you instantly think of the gems, turn the other way and huff internally at the "sick" person next to you.
When you move to London there should be some kind of underground handbook to get you through these awkward moments.Also I've been wondering... will there ever be a First Class section on the tube?
Would the city bankers pay extra to travel in peace?
I think so.