Saturday, 15 October 2011

Thorpe Park after dark = HORROR.

I'm going to be 100% honest, whenever anyone talked about Thorpe Park in the past, I kinda zoned out.
In my mind it's always been a poor man's Alton Towers.
I have no idea where this pre-conceived idea came from, as I've even never been.
But, I just assumed Thorpe Park was a cheap, naff version of Drayton Manor (which to be fair is pretty lame) and most probably just for kids.

So when I got invited to the press night of the Halloween VIP Fright Night - which, in a nutshell, includes drinking a stack of free booze/ eating plates of free food before going on all the rides in the dark. I thought 'Yeah that sounds fun'.
However, what I didn't realise, was that we would be testing out Live Halloween Horror Mazes.

One of the lovely PR's, Lauren Libin from House PR, came over and said: "There's no need to be worried, it's just a mental asylum with a horror film twist. You'll be in a maze, which has live actors inside who will run around, screaming at you and trying to touch you."

Ok, nothing to worry about then?! By this time we were all a little drunk and therefore over analysing everything.
To make it worse there was an ambulance outside one of the mazes with a full ambulance crew. We asked why they were there.
One of the park staff replied: "It's a really scary ride, and very claustrophobic, people often faint."
Great.

The fact it was 9pm at night and the whole park was pitch black made it worse. And as it was a Halloween themed night there were staff everywhere, dressed in scary costumes.
Instead of the standard witches, ghouls, ghosts etc there were men in black cloaks wearing pig heads, girls dressed as demon scientists and generally characters you'd expect in a freak show. Random.

Anyway, to cut a long, scary story short two of the horror mazes were horrendous. I mean really horrendous. Those being Asylum and Experiment 10.
I closed by eyes, screamed, clinged on to my mates Sonja and Ellie for dear life and ran most of the way. At one point I was practically bear hugging This Morning presenter Matt Johnson as I was so petrified. He must have thought, 'who is this lunatic, squeezing my hand like a mentalist.."
To be fair though, even Matt said he'd "never" go in the mazes again.

Apart from those two hideous rides the rest were brilliant. Including a ten loop roller coster and SAW which was awesome.

I have since decided that Thorpe Park is in a league of it's own. Leaving the likes of Alton Towers and Drayton Mannor cowering in it's wake. Well played Thorpe Park, I honestly didn't think you had it in you.

After being hurled around on all the roller costers, there were no queues because the park was closed, so we crammed six into half an hour, we started to feel sick.
Nothing to with the multiple vodkas, honestly, ahem.

Anyway, me and Sonja couldn't face getting the coach back to London.,
So we somehow, no idea how we pulled this off, managed to blag a ride with two of the Thorpe Park staff.
If by any miracle they are reading this, thanks SO much for helping two, green faced, damsels in distress.
We hope you enjoyed the cupcakes (yep, we didn't offer them cash, just our goodie bags, which came with cake).

Ooh, I should probably mention that fame-seeking monster Jordan turned up to the bash.
Yep, we all let out a hard-to-disguise, disappointed sigh when she arrived, as she always manages to ruin proceedings.
However, she didn't throw her weight around, or annoy too many people as she was far too busy making a headline-grabbing statement.
She was showcasing her latest love victim Danny Cipriani. You know, the nice Rugby guy who was dating Kelly Brook.
God knows what he sees in Jordan, probably just after a good sh*g, But anyway, they were together and here's the full story, should you care. Also a picture of them both on the SAW ride.
 

http://www.dailystar.co.uk/posts/view/214477/Danny-Cipriani-is-Jordan-s-new-man

Oh, and we couldn't make this up if we tried, but glamour girl Imogen Thomas t(ex Big Brother star) thought she was dating Danny Cipriani. So quite rightly caused a stink about it on Twitter.
I can understand that reading you've been dumped in the paper is probably pretty shite.

http://www.dailystar.co.uk/playlist/view/214702/Oh-Danny-boy

I just also want to say the goodie bags were pretty radical. They had glow in the dark condoms in them! Awesome.

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