P Diddy might be a egocentric fool...but Alan Carr is a tidy, little funbag.
I wasn't the only person waiting, in vain, to speak to Diddy.Toothy funnyman Alan was left hanging in the lurch too.
Exactly what the campest man outside of Lapland is doing at a hip hop hoedown is anyones guess.
However, he did say, "I can hold my own in here tonight, I'm cooler than you think."
Yep, sure you are Alan, sure you are.
I think the look on his face says it all....
Mind you, he was forced to sit with Meg Matthews and Calum Best.
Make of that what you will.
Meanwhile in the other corner lounging at a posh VIP table, stacked with champagne, was Chelsea wide boy Ashley Cole, with his boys. Since last year Ashley's been dating (ie shagging or conveniently getting paped with) Playboy model Kayla Collins. I'm sure his ex wifey Cheryl Cole is ecstatic to know he's bonking a plastic-brained boobalious blonde. Kayla mnaged to tear herself away from tooth-foss bikinis and wrinkly men to hang out in London with Ashley and Diddy.
However, it all went a bit tits-up for the erotic bunny.
Flash Ash didn't speak to her all night... despite sitting directly oposite her. Instead, he sat texting, constantly, on his phone. Always a true gent.
After a few hours of humiliation Kayla threw a wobbler, when he refused to leave with her, and stormed off home alone.
Conveniently moments later, she declared: "Everyone has blown our relationship out of proportion. I'm enjoying being single and dating. I'm looking for Mr Right".
Which actually translates as..."Ashley's blown me out because I make him look too clever and he thinks that's uncool. So, I'm now going to pretend we were never together in a bid to look less stupid. I'm a Playboy Bunny you know, I could have anyone. P.S I'd come running back if he asked me, or text me, or even gave me a second of his time.)
Meanwhile dirty Ash stayed out with the lads, no doubt looking for Mrs Rightnow... the poor unsuspecting cow.
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